


Homeswap

by draconicPeacekeeper



Series: Kidswap [1]
Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: F/F, F/M, I moved it here in order to fix the relationship tags, Kidswap, M/M, Multi, all relationships tagged are ones that will be written in the future, bloodswap, more characters to come! - Freeform, none of them have occured yet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-12-25 17:40:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12040911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/draconicPeacekeeper/pseuds/draconicPeacekeeper
Summary: Your typical kidswap/bloodswap fanfic... or is it?!Yeah.Yeah, it's just another swap fic :/(This fanfic is really recent and hasn't even gotten to the part where John leaves his bedroom. Be patient! Sprites can be found at: https://landoftalkspritesandpaneledits.tumblr.com/tagged/kidswap)





	1. > Fanfiction reader: begin perusing this story.

A young lady stands in her bedroom. She grins, turning her head to admire the stark white wallpaper and the decorations of the same color. It looks quite nice, she thinks. It just so happens that today, the13th of April, 2009, is this young lady’s birthday. Though it was thirteen years ago she was given life, it is only today she will be given a name!

 

What will the name of this young lady be?

 

You suggest something like Farmstink Pooplord, but the young lady makes a face and it is clear she does not appreciate this stupid joke! So instead, you name her Jade Egbert. Jade smiles. She seems to like the name!

 

Your name is JADE. As was previously mentioned it is your BIRTHDAY. A number of CAKES are scattered about your room, some of which you yourself helped to bake! You have a variety of INTERESTS, one of which is, unsurprisingly, BAKING. You have a passion for MOVIES STARRING INCREDIBLE CRITTERS OF UNUSUAL SPEECH CAPABILITIES. You like to attempt the building of robots but are NOT VERY GOOD AT IT. You have a fondness for NUCLEAR PHYSICS and are an aspiring AMATEUR GARDENER. You also like to play GAMES sometimes.

 

What will you do?

 

**> Jade: Glance in the nearby mirror.**

 

You look in the mirror and see yourself! You don’t know what else you were expecting.

 

Your long black hair sticks up at the top as per usual, bangs swept to your right. You have startlingly blue eyes framed by round glasses. Buck teet poke out of your upper lip, but you don’t really mind. You are currently wearing a white shirt with a pink-purple cupcake on it that was gifted to you by one of your best friends. You have a black sash tied around your waist that matches your hair. You are also wearing one of your favorite skirts, a long white one that has pockets! It’s your only skirt with pockets, really. What a shame. Your white boots have two white straps on the side. Sometimes you like to see what you can squeeze in there. It’s quite fun.

 

**> Jade: Quickly retrieve arms from drawer.**

 

Hey! Who said you didn’t have arms? You totally have arms!

 

But they’re in your gadget chest, not your drawer. It’s the purple chest in the corner with all of the crescent moons painted on it. It’s stupid to think that they’d be in your drawer, Little Miss Pooplord.

 

**> Remove CAKE from GADGET CHEST.**

 

Out of sympathy for Jade’s percieved lack of arms, the author deletes the description she had of the cake that was on Jade’s gadget chest. See, it’s like it was never there in the first place!

 

**> Jade: Quickly retrieve arms from GADGET CHEST.**

 

You pick up your FIREARMS from the chest using your ACTUAL ARMS. You use these rifles for HUNTING AND OTHER SUCH SHENANIGANS.

 

You CAPTCHALOGUE them in one of the many pink cards that one would find in a SYLLADEX. You have no idea what that actually means though.

 

There are other items in the deck.

 

**> Jade Examine contents of chest.**

 

In here you keep an array of prophetic and mystical ARTIFACTS, each one a devastating weapon in the hands of a SKILLED ORACLE or a CUNNING SEER.

 

You are neither of these things.

 

Among the ARTIFACTS are: TWO (2) FAKE ARMS [CURRENTLY CAPTCHALOGUED IN YOUR SYLLADEX], a CRYSTAL BALL plus compulsory VELVET PILLOW, a TAROT DECK, ONE (1) MAGICIAN'S HAT, ONE (1) PAIR OF BEAGLE PUSS GLASSES, SEVERAL (~) SMOKE PELLETS, a MAGIC 8 BALL, a MAGIC CUE BALL, and ONE (1) COPY OF COLONEL SASSACRE'S DAUNTING TEXT OF MAGICAL FRIVOLITY AND PRACTICAL JAPERY, and one of your favorite books of all time, PROBLEM SOOTH.

 

Some of this stuff may come in handy at some point. For now, you decide to just take the SMOKE PELLETS.

 

**> Jade: Captchalogue smoke pellets.**

 

You stow the SMOKE PELLETS on one of the CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS in your SYLLADEX.

 

You still aren’t totally sure what that means. At least you’re starting to get the hang of the vernacular.

 

You have two empty CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS remaining.


	2. > Fanfiction reader: continue to watch Jade goof about in her bedroom.

> Jade: Equip fake arms.

 

You aren’t totally sure if “EQUIP” is a verb copasetic with the abstract behavioral medium in which you dwell, but you give it a try anyway.

 

You grimace as a bright red X flashes across the captchalogue card. It’s clear that you cannot access the FAKE ARMS! Their card is underneath the one you just used to captchalogue the SMOKE PELLETS. You will have to use the pellets first in order to access the arms. But this is probably inadvisable, since you’d just make your room lousy with smoke!

 

Your SYLLADEX’S FETCH MODUS is currently dictated by the logic of a STACK DATA STRUCTURE. You were never much interested in data structures, but you figure you could be rather good at it if you tried.

 

With any hope, perhaps you will advance new, more practical FETCH MODI for your SYLLADEX with a little more experience.

 

> Jade: Examine Problem Sooth Poster.

 

A paper-white figure in a turban and a robe of the same color is displayed on the poster. He’s clutching a crystal ball and sitting behind his desk. The stark white color stands out against the pitch black of the background, even with the barcode-like pattern stretching across it.

 

Is it even possible to get more clairvoyant than this? You really doubt it. [ Choosing to read this book and similar webcomics like it was one of your wisest decisions. ](http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6)

 

There is a nice spot on the wall next to it. You’ve been meaning to hang another poster there soon.

 

> Jade: Look at the piece of paper on the drawer.

 

The paper is covered in COLORFUL PAWPRINTS that suggest BEC has gotten into the paint cans again. What a silly dog! You love him so much.

 

Besides the paper is a ROLLED UP POSTER.

 

> Jade: Take poster.

 

You captchalogue the POSTER. Another birthday artifact, likely fetched for you by Bec. You wonder what could be printed on the poster.

 

You’ll need some way to hang it on your wall.

 

> Jade: Search for necessary tools.

 

After searching around for a bit with no luck, you find a hammer lying next to your bed. There are also some nails on the floor. Score!

 

You first place the HAMMER into your SYLLADEX.

 

But you only had four CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS and now they’re all full. You wonder what will happen if you try to take the NAILS?

 

You guess it doesn’t hurt to try.

 

> Jade: Take nails.

 

You captchalogue FOUR (4) NAILS into the top card, and push all the artifacts down a card.

 

The FAKE ARMS are propelled entirely out of the deck!!! You let out a groan.

 

Oh well. They’re probably completely useless anyway. But you probably don’t want to do that again, unless you want to drop the SMOKE PELLETS and suffer the consequences.

 

In any case, you now feel like you’ve gathered enough things to get down to business and do some really important stuff. The next thing you do will probably be exceptionally meaningful.

 

> Jade: Squeal like a piglet and fertalize some plants.

 

No! Love of gardening aside, you have neither fertalizer nor actual plants to fertalize and so attempting to do this would be incredibly silly of you.

 

Besides, it is an awfully silly idea and is basically a waste of everyone’s time. Even if you could go through with it, you would predictably disregard it at once and focus on more sensible objectives.

 

…

 

...Okay, fine. You would totally squeal like a piglet and fertalize some plants if you could.

 

> Jade: Combine the nails and hammer.

 

You MERGE the top two cards.

 

The HAMMER and NAILS are now captchalogued on the same card and can be used together.

 

> Jade: Use hammer/nails on poster.

 

The HAMMER and NAILS card glows green as you use it in conjunction with the card beneath it.

 

> Jade: Nail poster to wall.

 

You unfurl the poster to reveal…

 

A super-colorful drawing of a girl with cat ears and a cat tail! Oh, it’s beautiful.

 

You use the HAMMER, NAILS, and POSTER on the blank space on the wall.

 

It’s glorious. Exactly what you wanted. Bec is such a good dog for fetching this for you!


End file.
